News Report

Some things you should be seeing in news reports...

1. In the Straits Times, it is reported that 'Overseas traffic experts give the ERP thumbs-up'. They left out the 2nd portion, 'Local drivers give the ERP the fingers'.
   
2. That there is a new Bond movie to be film in Malaysia, about an insane Prime Minister who is trying to bring down the region's economy. It will be entitled 'Tomorrow Sure Die'.
3. 30,000 copies of SM Lee's book were sold out in one day. This is amazing. Overheard are some conversations of those in the queue ... @ 'Excuse me, this queue for what hah?' 'You don't know line up for what?' 'So many people line up, sure got free gift right?!' @ 'So this Memoirs of SM Lee Kuan Yew, who wrote one hah?' @ 'So this book is about Singapore's past in the 50's and 60's? Got color photos not?' @ 'This queue for 4D, is it?' @ 'Got discount not?'
4. Some of our neighbors are upset with the memoirs, saying that the book was insensitive to their country and countrymen. If SM Lee is to write 'The Singapore Cookbook: My Favorite Recipes'. You should see this in the New Straits Times the next day: 'We wish to express our disappointment with the insensitive mention of the Sour Grapes in Sambal Chilli recipe found in The Singapore Cookbook.'
5. Anwar is now also blamed for Malaysia's economic crisis. Next week, he will also be blamed for El Nino, Mad Cow Disease and the giant rats at the new KL airport. Anyone with bad things to blame someone, please forward email to DrM@gov.my.
6. Despite being arrested, Anwar could still take a swipe at his arch-enemy, Dr. M (sounds like some bad guy in old Bond movies), by releasing a videotape to the media after his arrest, where he says some more bad stuff about his former boss. Rumor has it that Dr Mahathir may release a videotape containing confessions from Anwar's former lovers: male, female and some sheep -- in order to hit back. However, the rumors could not be confirmed because the Internet sources were arrested.
7. We should have a slogan for this New Age of Technology, to raise awareness of E-Commerce. Someone suggested :- 'Cyber shop Till You Cyber-drop!'; Or,'E-Commerce: The Power to Shop without Your Clothes On!'; Or, 'Put on your Virtual Reality Glasses: Buy Your 4D in 3D'.
8. On E-Commerce again, maybe you can even use those goggles and go cyber-movie-watching too. No need to queue for tickets. For the total movie experience, you can even have virtual cinema patrons sitting in front of you, blocking your view. And if the virtual Ah Beng behind you talks too loud or eats his virtual Keropok or his virtual hand phone goes off, you can around and shoot his virtual ass off with your virtual gun. Best use of technology ever.
9. That even loan sharks are supporting Government's E-Commerce campaign, using technology to run their business. Last time they used little note books to keep their accounts, now they use laptops and digital diaries to keep track of you. I am told, instead of putting a pig's head on your doorstep and spraying your Name and IC Number on your walls, what they do now is send you threatening emails, cc your boss and colleagues, hack your homepage, advertise on classified ads worldwide and email you a picture of a pig's head.
10. S$97.5 million plan is underway to 'revitalize' Chinatown, All the hawkers will be driven out and air-conditioned food courts selling overpriced, bad-tasting food will be built.
11. Malaysia's Tourism minister may suggest using the Anwar riots as a tourist draw, since tourists do not have chance to see something like this every day. There will be 3 performances every day. One in the morning at KL court, one in the afternoon at PJ court and the last one comes with a deluxe 10-course dinner.