News Report

Some things you should be seeing in news reports...

1. In the Straits Times, it is reported that 'Overseas traffic experts give the ERP thumbs-up'. They left out the 2nd portion, 'Local drivers give the ERP the fingers'.
   

National Pimples Center To Stage The Largest Charity Show In Singapore Next Year

TAN TOCK SENG, SINGAPORE -- The National Pimples Center, NPC, is planning to stage the largest charity show sometime next year to raise funds for the treatment of severe acnes.

Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

Michael Fay

There is an American named Michael Fay
He loves to take our public signs away
Sometimes graffiti on our cars he spray
Until by the police he was caught one fine day

Mess Transit

On a crowded public SBS bus, an Ah Lian got aboard and refused to budge from the her position near the front door. Her only response to the demands from the bus driver was, "Wah ai go Or-Chard Load!"

Mental Problems

One day at the psychiatrists office, a short, fat man came in, stood in front of the desk and shouted at the psychiatrist 'HOI! Bow to me, lowly Chinese! I am General Yamashita! Hahahahaha ...' and the psychiatrist says 'What makes you think that you are General Yamashita?' and the man says 'Because God made me General Yamashita! Hahahahaha ... '

Kung Fu

Two kung-fu masters were carrying on about their respective skills. "Why, my reflexes are such that you will not believe," boasted Master Foo and drawing his sword, he sliced at a passing fly, which promptly dropped dead in two pieces.